Contrary to some belief, no filmmaker sets out to make a bad film. It's all the more unfortunate when we don't enjoy what we watch, and the final product isn't reflective of the best intentions which went into it.
Let's quickly go through my least favourite films of that same year. It's worth mentioning that this is just an opinion piece from me, and it's wonderful if you got more enjoyment out of my choices than I did. Nevertheless, here's my list.
10. Monstrous
After her dear friend mysteriously disappears, Silva goes searching for answers, agreeing to share a ride with somebody else, to a town known for it's Bigfoot sightings. What occurs is a mixture of ideas, none of which hang together well, while the characters feel too far removed from reality to work. It says a lot when the Sasquatch feels like the most realistic character on-screen.
9. Chop Chop
A husband and wife share in a dinner date at home, but find their plans interrupted by a serial killer. What occurs is a fun idea for a 10-minute short, but fails to sustain the 80-minute runtime, with no clear idea of how to continue the story. There's a sense of the filmmakers throwing whatever they can at the wall, in the hopes that something would stick, but it just makes the short runtime feel unfathomably longer than it should.
8. The Turning
The latest cinematic adaption of The Turn Of The Screw has undoubtedly talented performers on-hand, and fails to make use of their talents, or to explain the creepy motivations of Finn Wolfhard's character. It's a horror film without any frights, never sure which route it wants to go down, so tries to have its cake and eat it. The end result is a butchered finale to an unsatisfying film.
7. The Iron Mask
A Russian/Chinese co-production whose script feels as though it was put through Google Translate, leaving us with a plot that feels so impenetrable. It's a muddled mess which isn't helped by a scattershot approach, and the laughable dubbing does little to aid things. The films biggest marketing tactic was how Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwarzenegger share the screen, even though it's such a forced addition which barely dents the runtime, and their fight scene being a poor representation of their talents.
6. Brahms: The Boy II
What worked in 2016's The Boy was how it subverted the typical idea of what kind of film you were watching, especially when it came to the third act. No such luck with this follow-up, which leans into the expected routes so much, as though the filmmakers are afraid of making one single subversion. It all plays out in the most groanworthy of ways, making for a frustrating experience which is coupled by some Joey Tribbiani style "smell the fart" acting. What's more, it feels like an instalment made by people who didn't see the original film, but made a sequel based on hearing the basic premise, so the fact that screenwriter Stacey Menear and director William Brent Bell returned to the franchise is really baffling.
5. Aquaslash
A water slide being transformed into a violent murder weapon? I was on-board for the basic premise, and subsequently found my will beaten down in the first 50-minutes, when the film trapped me with some of the worst characters I had the misfortune to be in the company of. By the time the blades come out, it didn't feel worth the time it took to reach that point.
What would you do if aliens crash-landed near your home? For Riko, the answer is to have a fun time involving smoking an alien delicacy; human poo. It's a film which tries to stretch a 97-minute film out of two jokes, aliens smoking poo, and that having sex with a larger woman is horrific. When neither joke the film feels built around is actually funny, that doesn't bode well for your film.
3. Dolittle
It's been a while since I've seen such a big budget, high profile film feel so baffling and wrong-headed. What's left here feels skin-crawlingly awkward with each decision made, and whatever decent ideas were within, are hopelessly lost among the evident reshoots, embarrassing ADR, and whatever is going on with Robert Downey Jr's accent.
2. Death of Me
A couple awaken to a hangover, with no recollection of the night before. All they have is a video which sees the husband forcing himself upon his wife, before breaking her neck. Whatever potential the concept has, it feels wasted in a way that delivers little impression, somehow making a disembowelling seem pedestrian. Most troubling is how xenophobic the film feels, sketching out the islands inhabitants with uncomfortable racial stereotypes. An uncomfortable topping on a miserable little tale.
1. Blind
A once-famous actress struggles to come to terms with her change of circumstance, as she's recently lost her sight. Living alone in her Hollywood mansion, she's unaware there's somebody living in her basement. For a film with a rising body-count, it feels like not much happens, as our passive lead barely impacts the plot. It also leaves too many questions lingering, like how a blind person could light so many candles on her floor, or why our lead, who's told in an early scene her remaining senses would grow stronger, cannot hear a stranger stomping around her house, bringing victims to the basement, or committing murder. It's a baffling mess, and apparently just the set-up for a sequel to come this year. God help us all.
Disagree/Agree with my choices? Do let me know your thoughts below.
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